I used to think acceptance meant getting rid of denial. I was wrong.

Like many people, I struggled with denial after being diagnosed with a long-term/chronic condition.

For years, I was told: “you need to learn to accept epilepsy”.

So I focused on destroying denial.

I thought if I could just stop pretending everything was okay, stop wishing epilepsy would disappear, stop pretending that I’d never have a seizure again...

Then maybe I’d finally have accepted it.

But the more I pushed it away, the less achievable acceptance became.

It’s only recently that it clicked: I need to stopped asking how to get rid of denial, and start asking what it was trying to protect me from.

I used the compassion that I’ve gained from having a chronic illness to actually compassion for the parts of myself that care about me most.

I realised that denial is protecting the most vulnerable parts of me.

It wants to help my ambitious parts achieve.

It believes in me.

It trusts that I can do anything I put my mind to, despite my epilepsy.

Now, when denial shows up, I don’t fight it.

I acknowledge it, thank it for trying to keep me safe, and remind myself that I can hold hope and reality at the same time.

If you’re living with epilepsy (or any chronic illness) don’t judge yourself for being in denial.

It’s a natural part of the journey.

You’ll get to acceptance on your own terms. #epilepsyawareness #chronicillness #invisibledisability #livingwithepilepsy #mentalhealth disclaimer: This isn’t medical advice!

I thought that if denial disappeared I’d finally accept epilepsy but acceptance doesn’t work like that...

I realised denial wasn’t the real enemy denial was trying to protect me it kept me going.

Making plans.

Getting up everyday.

It helped me believe life is bigger than epilepsy.

I stopped seeing denial as my weakness.

Acceptance wasn’t about getting rid of denial.

It was about changing my relationship with it.

Now, when denial shows up: I listen to it instead of fight it I am curious about how to support it I ask what it’s protecting me from flipping the narrative changed everything.

Denial does still has the keys to my house.

But it no longer owns it.

It still visits.

It just doesn’t make all the decisions anymore.

If you’re struggling with denial right now remember that: Acceptance isn’t the absence of denial..

Don’t rush acceptance.

It isn’t linear anyway.

Don’t compare your timeline to anyone else's.

Acceptance isn’t a destination.

Acceptance is understanding why denial even showed up.

Because sometimes the only way out is through.